I have known this for awhile, but having my husband away on business this week has made it even more clear. I LOVE ORDER. I like stuff in its place. I like tables cleared, clothes hung up, chairs available for sitting, bags out of site and on their proper hook or shelf, stacks of paper recycled or filed and I don’t need to see the latest project you are or I are working on. I am anal about it. A bit obsessive for sure.

With one less person in the house this week, there has been less stuff hanging around. However, I still have spent my time keeping it all looking nice, as if the Queen were coming to tea. (She isn’t, I checked my schedule.)

I value order. I tell myself that I can breathe more easily in an organized environment. There is a flip-side to this. I can spend far too much time tidying up and putting things away. I am good at delegating to the children and they are educated on taking care of their things and pretty good at not leaving them around the house. But the flip-side, the down-side if you will, is I let the order of my environment control my mood.

Is it really the tidy room that has me feeling peaceful? Can I get to a state of calm with Margaret’s backpack next to the piano and not hung on her hook or with Simon’s soccer cleats by the front door and not the back door? Is it their stuff that is the issue or my relationship to their stuff?

The truth is, even with order high on my list, I can let the order of things be my excuse to not being at peace. If I sat down and cracked open a book with the backpack and cleats in my line of vision is it those objects or me that is resistant to being relaxed?

It’s okay to value order but when it controls you in a way that blocks out light, love, joy and calm then there is room for growth. I am aware of how I say to the kids, After the dishes are put away we will play a game. I hear myself carry on the conversation in my mind, After one more pile is out of site, I will sit and connect with those I love.

Where do I draw the line? When is enough, truly enough?

With practice I am good with one clean counter not the whole kitchen. Still honoring my values I can give order priority as long as I am aware when I am letting it get in the way or be an excuse to self-care or connection with others.

I asked my kids the other night, How do you think growing up in this house with my anal orderly tendencies will effect how you keep house as an adult? One kid said, I will always have a clean house. The other replied, I will live in mess. And both were good with it.

I am working on getting good with it, finding my fine line, where my values are respected but not suffocating me. That place where I can feel good in my environment but not let it dictate how I feel.

What is your relationship with your home environment? What awareness do you have in regards to order? Does it govern how you feel?

Nothing can be changed, nothing transformed until you first are made aware, in your time, at your unveiling.

Cheers, Jenny