There is a saying in the therapy and coaching fields that when you feel your feelings you heal them. Feel it to heal it, they say. I offer this to my clients and they both welcome it with open arms and push it away with every bone in their body. Feeling is painful, lonely, hard, cumbersome and frankly lots of feelers who feel EVERYTHING can get tired of feeling.
I like to offer in meditation circles with the groups I lead or in a conversation about emotions in a client session, to not attach to the feeling as no person is ANGER, ANXIETY, JOY or SYMPATHY for that matter. These emotions represent an emotion in the moment and are coming in for a visit to be your teacher, barometer and guide. What if you asked that FEAR what it wants from you and listened to the answer?
What if you gave the emotion some breathing room to spread out a little bit instead of shoving it into a box, wine glass or dark corner? When the teacher shows up, talk to it and allow it to support and help you. Let it be a way shower and then after lesson learned, be on its way.
As an empath sadness shows up often for me and it has ever since I was a little girl growing up in a chaotic, depressed environment. When my mom would ask me what is wrong, I always replied with not knowing. I didn’t have words for what I was feeling so I swept it up and put those feelings in a corner.
After years of personal growth and evolution I learned to ask the sadness, “what are you here to show me?” And my favorite question, “are you mine or someone else’s?” During the pandemic the answers have been often someone else’s. Regardless of who’s it is—my own emotional desolation, or belonging to a client, friend, child, dog or neighbor giving it attention without attaching is helpful. I pull out my journal and I interview it, ask it what it is here for as I record the answers that come forth. Allowing it space on a blank page relieves pressure lessening building up inside my body and often once I have clarity, the sadness doesn’t visit again until it has a new message or lesson.
According to a study published in Forbes, the Proceedings of National Academy of Sciences in 2014 there are twenty-seven categories of emotions and an even more recent study shows thirty-four categories. Now multiply how many times in one day your emotions switch from one to the next—that’s a lot of emotion. I think of it as a beautiful ocean of feelings within and no ocean wants to be poured into a glass—it calls to be felt and experienced fully. Once fully expressed, gift received, it no longer wants to hang out making space for the next feeling, my favorite, gratitude.
Besides getting your feelings down on paper I invite clients to befriend the emotion and even give it a name. “Well, hello, Anxious Anna, I see you are here again, what do you want me to know?” Naming it in a playful manner gives it space instead of control. Perhaps Anxious Anna wants to remind you that a few breaths and stopping to pause is just what may be needed before you continue down the anxious path any further. She is showing up as an invitation to become aware of what matters not as a punishment or to attach to anxiety as a bad thing. Her visit could very well be an opportunity to get grounded and clear or to honor your values.
Whatever you are feeling, know that no feeling is unacceptable—it is coming in for a visit and it will only stay longer if you ignore it.
If you are willing to learn from this teacher of emotion, she will remind you that in order to fully heal you must feel.
Cheers, Jenny
