When Margaret and Simon were little, maybe four and seven years old, I gave them each a blank journal to write, draw and communicate with me. My idea was that we would have our private space to share and connect with one another. I encouraged Simon to draw pictures since he was a huge artist at the time–often drawing to express his feelings and get out his emotions. Margaret engaged with the idea immediately. My first born, the rule follower dutifully filled a page then left the journal on my pillow for me to fill and do the same. We kept this up for years only taking one long break of not filling out the journal.
This was the place Margaret shared the simple activities of her day but also the big events of her life. It was here on the college lined pages that she asked me if she could start shaving her legs and bra shopping. A private, reserved, conscientious girl she felt much more comfortable asking me in writing then in person. It was also here that she told me she started her period, confided in friendship challenges and asked my advice. The blank pages filled easily as we developed trust and understanding of one another.
Simon never filled one journal but our communication never stalled. An open book the two of us have open conversations about every topic under the sun, morning, noon and night. He will ask me anything and I will answer. I know exactly what he is feeling and can give you his opinion, views and beliefs on most matters. There wasn’t a need for the journal to create our rhythm
of communication because we already had built a trust and natural cohesion. It helped that our natures are similar, our ways of expression in sync.
Margaret and I on the other hand needed another way to connect as our in person communication didn’t work that well. I was afraid to say things, felt like I was pulling teeth to get her to share with me. Yesterday, I gave her our fourth or fifth journal. It was her seventeenth birthday and we filled our last journal in August. She is a junior in high school and will soon be out of the house so I want to continue our sharing and getting to know each on the blank page.
It has not only become a place to have the hard conversations but a space to explore, laugh, create and get to know each other: what books we are reading, what is going on in school for her and work for me, our thoughts, ideas and plans. We have made movie dates with each other this way and planted a garden by first setting the vision down in our shared journal.
Like in a marriage we have different communication styles, needs and forms of expression. For one of my children who is the opposite of me it took a blank page to come together. Are you in need of another way to communicate with a child who is the opposite of you or who just doesn’t talk? Give the journal thing a try. You don’t have to start with the big stuff, build rapport as you play on the page and discover a relationship that only the two of you can share.
Hi, I’m Jenny Gwinn McGlothern, Certified Transformational Master Life Coach who has been leading retreats for women and coaching them since 2010. On the path of discovery, always seeking, it is clear that one of my favorite ways to fill my own cup is by writing. May my random blog give you a sip to reflect, a nugget to chew, a thought to refill. If it is an accountability partner you seek, I offer life and spiritual coaching in person in Seattle and by phone. info@mamaneedsarefill.com or www.mamaneedsarefill.com or 206 255 0463. (Next sack lunch mini-retreat in West Seattle, 9:30 – 2 PM, Friday January 11, 2019 has one seat left. Our theme is The Four Agreements, based on the book by Don Miguel Ruiz.
