It has been over a year since I have showed up to this blog space. Today my friend and faithful writing partner Sonya and I have resumed our 12 year practice of tea and writing after taking a one week break over the holidays. It is my turn to host and I get up to heat more water for our tea as she sits across from me penning her thoughts, unfolding her own musings. She is the friend I see the most. I see her more often than some family members. We made a commitment to ourselves, the blank page and each other 12 years ago and we keep showing up Thursday after Thursday.
This HeartWriter blog began back in 2009 and I see that I didn’t show up at all in 2018. Today out of nowhere I decided to come back. I make no promises. We will see what unfolds. Thanks for showing up.
This randomness of showing up here today feels true and TRUE is my word for 2019. I have had many words over the last decade – Believe, Awake, Focus, Peace, Wholeness – choosing one word as my theme and intention for the entire year. I take the month of December to reflect on where I want to go, how I want to live and who I want to be in the next year. This year didn’t take much time, the word chose me easily. I was sitting down with my dear friend Shelly mid-December and I was sharing my idea to choose authenticity for 2019. She too, picks a word each year. Shelly asked me a great question when I shared I didn’t necessarily want Authentic as my word but the idea and feeling to reflect authenticity.
“What are synonyms of authentic?”, she wisely inquired.
I could only come up with Real. She offered, “TRUE.”
“Oooh, I like that.” I continued feeling it out and TRUE kept finding me. In quotes, songs, conversation.
I choose to live TRUE not because I have been living falsely but because I want to go deeper, continue finding my voice and unveiling what is authentically me. I choose to make choices out of love over fear, walk in the direction that is calling my name, and listen to what wants to be honored. This word for the year is so utterly personal finding words to express it fall flat on my tongue.
Each day I will notice when I am not living, acting and participating in life the way I truly desire or feels good. In that moment of awareness I will make a choice to shift my behaviour without shame or judgment. If I catch myself mindlessly scrolling on social media when I am bored or directionless and the action is not feeding me, I will put down the phone and ask, “What is TRUE right now?”
The answers could change over the same situation. If the mindless scrolling is leaving me empty, causing me to compare or I am just doing it to do it and it is not providing joy or inspiration I will stop. If I am finding connection, motivation, wisdom, fun and joy then I will allow myself to continue as long as it truly is something I want to be doing.
At our NYE small gathering when I shared with one friend that TRUE was going to be my word for the New Year he asked with curiosity, “Don’t you already live this way? You strike me as totally authentic living your way quite genuinely.”
I tried to explain that it’s not that I am unauthentic, authenticity is one of my natural gifts, but that I wanted to expand this even further. Make choices, speak words, walk the direction that wholeheartedly declare my truth. I will continue to unravel the word as I have an entire year to do so.
As of right now, I will heat more water, listen to what is calling my name next and be fully grateful for the evolving meaning of what it means to live true.
